It had been a normal day. Start with morning announcements in the office. She smiled as she thought how her best friend had told her at the end of the previous year that he was shocked that she was elected to be a student body officer. The truth was, she was too. After that it was birthday deliveries. Every person in the school received a note and a candy bar on their birthday. She enjoyed these tasks. Trying to be more friendly and outgoing with those in the school had helped her forget herself and the pain she carried around with her. Each morning she was able to start her day by bringing cheer to a few students in the school and as meaningless as it may seem to deliver a candy bar, it was always uplifting to see how every one in the classroom would send well wishes once they would see who's birthday it was.
"I wish I could see goodness like that all the time." She thought, still looking at the floor as she walked to her next class. "People are good. I don't see it all the time. Is that because I'm a bad person that only focuses on the negative side of others or because most people just don't like to show me that side of themselves?"
After birthdays, it was two classes in the morning, lunch, then two classes in the afternoon.
The blond teenager was an average student who constantly told herself that she wasn't smart enough to do any better. Her grades had been perfect from elementary all they way through her first two years of middle school. With each passing year she found it increasingly more difficult to see any good in her, including with regards to her intelligence.
She had play practice later that night and still needed to go over her lines. Dress rehearsals were always a little bit stressful and though her part wasn't a large role, she wanted to make sure that she could make the rehearsal go as smoothly as possible. People were wandering through the halls on the way to their various classes, some obviously paying no attention to the time limit before the tardy bell would ring. She walked in the door.
"ShaRee! Your hair is so cute!"
The blond teenager had barely walked in the door when Jenny began showering her with compliments about her hair. The girl smiled at the energetic friend she had known since before they knew how to read. Jenny was always so friendly and kind. Besides being an incredibly talented athlete, she also had the rare skill of finding humor in any situation. Her laugh was so contagious. Many were drawn to her because of her optimistic attitude, including the blond. She knew that the compliment was sincere. She had been a little self conscious about her hair all day. It wasn't often that she wore her hair curly. Each morning she spent an embarrassing amount of time painstakingly blow drying and straitening the thick, curly, long blond hair. She could never control the curl, thinking that it looked more like she had been struck by lightening and her hair exploded, but when her friend, Shayla, showed her a new way of doing her hair curly, she decided to give it a try. She was delighted that Jenny had taken the effort to comment in a positive way on the hairstyle that had been making her slightly uneasy all day.
"You look so good with your hair like that!"
The girl stopped just inside the door and awkwardly listened to the praise. Though the compliments were appreciated, she still hadn't learned how to accept kind comments from others. She opened her mouth to show gratitude, but was cut off.
"I think it makes her look like a whore."
He had been standing at the front of the classroom listening to what was being said to the blond teenager.
"Do not cry!" she screamed to herself. Time seemed to slow as she tried to process what had just been said about her. "Laugh it off, don't make a scene. Don't you dare cry."
She was unable to take in anything that was going on around her as she attempted to hide her emotions. The conversation ended with Jenny lightheartedly disagreeing with the deliverer of the unkind message and the blond girl found her way to her seat. For the next ninety minutes of class she outwardly participated and did her best to be attentive and work hard, but each minute the words were repeated in her head several times until she finally accepted it is truth.
"I look like a whore."
* * * * * * * * *
Throughout the night and into the next day, she was forced by her bladder to make frequent trips to the bathroom. The young woman couldn't remember a time when she'd had to pee so much. It was somewhat of an annoyance, especially when she so badly wanted and needed to sleep. She didn't understand what was happening, but after her first five trips to the bathroom she decided to weigh herself again. She laughed as she looked down at the numbers. She allowed her forehead to rest against the wall as she continued to stare at the numbers.
"Thank you!" she didn't know who she was saying that to. "It was all water weight. Thank you!" she laughed again as the words left her mouth.
She left the bathroom feeling less annoyed at the frequent interruptions to her sleep knowing that each trip to the bathroom meant that the numbers would continue to go down.
Once she regained her lost energy from tour, her routine became more rigorous than it had been before. Although it only took a day to get the numbers on the scale back to where she was before ten days of eating as much as was required of her to keep her director and host families happy, she was now haunted by the thought of how much more weight she could have lost had she not gorged herself for ten days. A determination spread through her to lose weight even more quickly than she had been before. She had steadily been going down one and a half to two pounds a day before tour and it didn't matter what she had to do, she was going to make herself lose two to three pounds a day - even if it killed her.
She pulled her workout pants up around her waste. Staring at herself in the mirror, she began tightening the draw string. These are the pants she'd had since high school. She and Jamie referred to them as the "noisy pants" because the fabric made a swooshing noise anytime the legs rubbed against each other. She had been wearing these pants when they recorded the song that Jamie wrote for her music tech class. She remembered how much they had laughed when the teacher kept wondering what kept making the noise while they were recording. After realizing it was her pants, the blond young woman was forced to record her part again, this time with her legs spread as far apart as they could go to prevent the pants from making any noise.
She took note of how the pants were much bigger on her than they used to be. They became her favorite pants to wear while working out because they hid her body so well. The elastic waste on them no longer was tight enough to hold the pants up, and a sense of satisfaction spread through her as she realized how much of the draw string was left hanging after she tightened it as far as it could comfortably go. After inspecting herself some more in the mirror, taking note of what changes she demanded of her body before the week was over, she put on a t-shirt and her senior sweatshirt from last year. This sweatshirt also made her feel more comfortable, not only because it had become so large on her that it hid her shape, but also because the was cold all the time and appreciated all the extra layers of clothing.
The campus felt empty since the semester had ended. She took the familiar route of walking past the duck pond, up behind the browning center so she could look at her reflection in the windows of the professors offices, then continued climbing the stairs up to the gym. She liked walking to the gym so that she had time to plan her workout. She swiped her student card, walked through the doors, and began quickly making her way to the elliptical runners. When Chris had first brought her to this gym months before he had tried to convince her to run with him around the track. She did a few laps and hated it the whole time. The gym was set up so that all of the equipment and half courts were in the center of the large room with the track encircling all of it. She just knew that everyone was looking at the overweight woman trying to run. After two laps she had convinced her friend that maybe they should try something else. That's when he had shown her the ellipticals and from the moment she stepped on them she knew this was something she could get used to. The machine kept track of how many calories she was burning over the course of the hour that she was on it, which always motivated her to push harder and go faster. Most of the time she tried to force herself to look at the TV's while she was running, but found that she usually became obsessed with comparing herself to all the other women that were working out with her.
Most of them were wearing tight pants with a sports bra. She could see every toned muscle and took note of the flat stomachs from all the gorgeous women around her. She hoped that someday she would be able to look like those other women. She allowed her mind to wonder what she would look like if she could be as small or as lean as they were.
She looked down at how many calories she had burned according to the machine. She willed herself to go faster. She hadn't eaten anything since she got back from tour, this was her chance to make up for lost time.
She continued to push herself harder and harder for the next hour on the treadmill. She slowed it down after she felt like she had done enough and stepped off the machine. For the next hour she lifted weights, fighting off the fear that everyone was judging her. Once she had made it through the two hours, she walked out of the building. This was her favorite part of going to the gym. Inside the building smelled of body odor and machinery, after being inside such a stuffy area it was always refreshing to come outside. She took in a deep breath, noting the fresh scent that accompanies the spring and summer months in Utah. She took her first few steps and noticed how difficult it was to control her legs. Each step down the stairs felt like her legs were going to give out and she quickly grabbed the fence next to her to help steady herself.
"What is happening? I should have more energy after a workout, not less." She paused at the bottom of the stairs, before clumsily making her way past the browning center. Breathing heavier than she had been while at the gym, she forced herself to go faster. Once she made it past the duck pond, her apartment complex was in sight. She kept her eyes on the building until she was safely across the street. Throwing the door open, she ran to her room and collapsed on the floor. "I don't feel good. What is wrong with me?" Closing her eyes so the room would stop spinning, she tried to focus on her breathing. As a singer, she had been very well trained on how to breathe correctly and she could tell that something was wrong. She shouldn't be taking this many breaths. "Breathe deeper. Slow down."
Her body relaxed with each inhale and slow release. She rolled onto her side, feeling like every part of her body weighed more than she could lift or move. Shaking with each movement, she managed to get herself onto her bed, and fell asleep.
The blond had planned to give herself a week to get things back to normal after the trip before beginning to look for a job. She spent that time working out for hours at a time, sleeping the rest of the day away, and living off of one cup of steamed broccoli a day, unseasoned and with absolutely no butter. She was increasingly more tired and began noticing pains throughout her body.
One day, after an hour and half at the gym, two times through her power ninety workout, and a much needed shower, she made her way back to her room. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and became lost. She stared blankly back at the reflection in front of her. The eyes blinked when she blinked, but the blond in the mirror was unrecognizable yet she knew who it was. Her bottom lip quivered as anger overtook her.
"I hate you!" through gritted teeth, she bitterly threw the words at the ugly young woman in the mirror. "Why do you have to look like that?! Nobody likes you and they are so disgusted by you! Nothing you ever do is going to be enough! I HATE YOU!"
A tear rolled down the pale cheek of the blond in the mirror.
The young woman leaned against her closet door, allowing her body to slowly slide to the floor. For the first time in a long time silence filled her mind. The voice had finally made it's way out into the world, and her mind was silent. She stared blankly, letting tears flow down her face as she sat motionless. For what felt like hours she remained there, hearing nothing but the sound of her infrequent breathing.
She had gotten out of bed with the intention of looking for a job. Her life had seemed to slow down since the semester ended. When she was in school she had distractions from what was going on, it was a fight to focus on those distractions, but at least she had them. Now, she was alone - a lot. Each day was getting worse and worse. Her days were measured by workouts, weighing herself, emotional outbursts, and sleeping.
The blond young woman sat on her bed with her keys in her hands. There had been a restlessness in the pit of her stomach for the last several weeks that she'd been unable to get rid of. She moved her body to the floor and commenced a round of crunches as her head became bombarded with discouragement from the voice that had become her constant companion.
She stood up and ran out of her room. Moving into the modest kitchen, her breathing had quickened.
She grabbed the wall and stepped into the living room. Hardly able to catch a breath and fiercely looking for anything to help her out of this hell, the young woman let out an agonizing scream. She fumblingly found her way back to her room.
"I can't do this anymore!" she yelled into the empty apartment. She grabbed her phone, finding the only contact she knew could help her. She closed her eyes, focusing on taking deep breaths. She couldn't call her in hysterics, but was having a difficult time calming down. The young woman was too overwhelmed to calm down, she would have to force herself to not let the panic come through in her voice. She pushed the button with the small green phone on it, lifted the phone to her ear, and waited. Listening to the ringing on the phone, she thought through what she was going to say when the other person answered, and suddenly became terrified that she would answer.
"Hello?" Hearing the sound of her mothers voice brought her some comfort.
"Mom? I think I need to move home." She knew that even with the effort to sound less panicked her voice had betrayed her.
"ShaRee, what is going on?"
The young woman wanted to scream and cry out to her mother for help. She thought of what she yearned to tell her mother. "Mom, I need you. I am in so much pain and I don't know why. I hate myself and don't want to live anymore. I'm scared and I just feel like I'm constantly being tormented by my own mind. I need you." Instead she began telling her mother that she didn't think that school was for her and that she wanted to move home to figure out what to do.
The blond had never been very good at communicating what was really going on in her head, especially to those she loved most. She would lose her temper and yell, especially with her family, because she was too embarrassed or didn't know how to express what was really bothering her. They never knew how to help her because they never knew what was really wrong with her.
"ShaRee, I've been worried about your eating. Are you sure you're losing weight in a healthy way? I just keep thinking about what your roommates told me when they called."
She thought back to a few weeks before when the incident her mother spoke of had occurred. While the young woman was at the testing center for her history class, her roommates and Chris had called her mother and told her they were concerned that she wasn't eating enough. The young woman had lied to her mother later that night about all the things she had eaten, not knowing that her roommates had talked to her. When she found out, there was a lot of tension in the apartment.
"Mom, it's fine. My eating is fine. I just need to come home." She was becoming impatient with the constant badgering about what she was eating. This was not what she wanted to talk about, especially not right now, and her responses were becoming more agitated and defensive. However, when the conversation concluded, it had been agreed that she would move back to Fillmore for the summer.
After hanging up the phone, the young woman sat back down, letting out a sigh of relief. Her body slumped as she sat on the edge of her twin bed. She ran her fingers along the beautiful quilt her grandmother had made as a gift for her high school graduation. Allowing her body to relax, she lay her head at the foot of the bed, slowly moving her legs up to her chest.
A calmness swept over her as she whispered to herself, "I'm going home."
The little blond girl lay awake in the unfamiliar bed. Her parents had left her and her siblings at her Grandma and Grandpa Staples house overnight while they were out of town. They loved being in Kanosh with their grandparents. Even though the little girl had spent a lot of time in the basement of this home, it had always been during the day. She looked over to see her sister sound asleep next to her. She was glad she was in the red room, she preferred this room to the one down the hall. The carpet was a red shag, which had been the reason for the nickname assigned to it by all the family. She could see light being reflected off the mirror hanging on the wall, and she became frightened as she imagined what monster was lurking outside causing the light to move. Soon she became more aware of the shadows and hated feeling alone in the dark room.
She carefully slid off the bed, being careful not to wake her sister. When her bare feet hit the carpet, she paused waiting for hands from whatever was waiting for her under the bed to grab her. Nothing happened. Finding the courage to move her legs, she walked out of the room, passing the bathroom on her right and turned out into the large family room. The little girl became frightened as she thought of what evil awaited her in the large empty room. She moved quickly up the stairs, forcing herself not to look behind her for fear of coming face to face with something that would surely kill her.
The little girl moved more quickly than she had before, knowing that if she could just make it through the kitchen and dining room, she would be safe. She passed the table, remembering to stay to the left so not to run into the chairs around the table. Taking the last few steps to the door, she let herself calm down. The first bedroom on the right was her key to safety. She silently pushed the door open. Looking to the bed on the left, she saw the outline of the large body sleeping heavily in his bed. She walked around the bed so she could see his face, but decided against waking him up. Just looking into the face of the sleeping man brought her so much comfort. Moving back around to the other side of the bed, she slowly pulled the covers back, revealing the empty space remaining in the bed. She climbed onto the mattress, pulled the sheets over her body, and snuggled as close to her grandfather as she could get.
All fear left her.
"I'm safe now," she thought. "Nothing will dare get me now. He'll protect me. I'm safe."
Several seconds passed.
"Grandpa sounds like a bear! He snores so loud!" The little girl giggled to herself as she listened to the roaring sound coming from her beloved Grandpa Staples, snuggled a little closer, and fell asleep.
Once she regained her lost energy from tour, her routine became more rigorous than it had been before. Although it only took a day to get the numbers on the scale back to where she was before ten days of eating as much as was required of her to keep her director and host families happy, she was now haunted by the thought of how much more weight she could have lost had she not gorged herself for ten days. A determination spread through her to lose weight even more quickly than she had been before. She had steadily been going down one and a half to two pounds a day before tour and it didn't matter what she had to do, she was going to make herself lose two to three pounds a day - even if it killed her.
She pulled her workout pants up around her waste. Staring at herself in the mirror, she began tightening the draw string. These are the pants she'd had since high school. She and Jamie referred to them as the "noisy pants" because the fabric made a swooshing noise anytime the legs rubbed against each other. She had been wearing these pants when they recorded the song that Jamie wrote for her music tech class. She remembered how much they had laughed when the teacher kept wondering what kept making the noise while they were recording. After realizing it was her pants, the blond young woman was forced to record her part again, this time with her legs spread as far apart as they could go to prevent the pants from making any noise.
She took note of how the pants were much bigger on her than they used to be. They became her favorite pants to wear while working out because they hid her body so well. The elastic waste on them no longer was tight enough to hold the pants up, and a sense of satisfaction spread through her as she realized how much of the draw string was left hanging after she tightened it as far as it could comfortably go. After inspecting herself some more in the mirror, taking note of what changes she demanded of her body before the week was over, she put on a t-shirt and her senior sweatshirt from last year. This sweatshirt also made her feel more comfortable, not only because it had become so large on her that it hid her shape, but also because the was cold all the time and appreciated all the extra layers of clothing.
The campus felt empty since the semester had ended. She took the familiar route of walking past the duck pond, up behind the browning center so she could look at her reflection in the windows of the professors offices, then continued climbing the stairs up to the gym. She liked walking to the gym so that she had time to plan her workout. She swiped her student card, walked through the doors, and began quickly making her way to the elliptical runners. When Chris had first brought her to this gym months before he had tried to convince her to run with him around the track. She did a few laps and hated it the whole time. The gym was set up so that all of the equipment and half courts were in the center of the large room with the track encircling all of it. She just knew that everyone was looking at the overweight woman trying to run. After two laps she had convinced her friend that maybe they should try something else. That's when he had shown her the ellipticals and from the moment she stepped on them she knew this was something she could get used to. The machine kept track of how many calories she was burning over the course of the hour that she was on it, which always motivated her to push harder and go faster. Most of the time she tried to force herself to look at the TV's while she was running, but found that she usually became obsessed with comparing herself to all the other women that were working out with her.
Most of them were wearing tight pants with a sports bra. She could see every toned muscle and took note of the flat stomachs from all the gorgeous women around her. She hoped that someday she would be able to look like those other women. She allowed her mind to wonder what she would look like if she could be as small or as lean as they were.
You'll never look like that because you keep eating so much food. Didn't you see what you looked like this morning? You haven't been working hard enough to ever be able to be as beautiful as they are. You need to quit eating so much food. You are always stuffing your face. What do you think you're going to look like if you keep doing that?
She looked down at how many calories she had burned according to the machine. She willed herself to go faster. She hadn't eaten anything since she got back from tour, this was her chance to make up for lost time.
Do you see how they're all staring at you? They are so repulsed by you. It doesn't matter how big your clothes are, they can still tell how fat you are. You aren't fooling anyone. All they see when they look at you is how disgusting and ugly you are. That's all anyone see's. You are nothing.
She continued to push herself harder and harder for the next hour on the treadmill. She slowed it down after she felt like she had done enough and stepped off the machine. For the next hour she lifted weights, fighting off the fear that everyone was judging her. Once she had made it through the two hours, she walked out of the building. This was her favorite part of going to the gym. Inside the building smelled of body odor and machinery, after being inside such a stuffy area it was always refreshing to come outside. She took in a deep breath, noting the fresh scent that accompanies the spring and summer months in Utah. She took her first few steps and noticed how difficult it was to control her legs. Each step down the stairs felt like her legs were going to give out and she quickly grabbed the fence next to her to help steady herself.
"What is happening? I should have more energy after a workout, not less." She paused at the bottom of the stairs, before clumsily making her way past the browning center. Breathing heavier than she had been while at the gym, she forced herself to go faster. Once she made it past the duck pond, her apartment complex was in sight. She kept her eyes on the building until she was safely across the street. Throwing the door open, she ran to her room and collapsed on the floor. "I don't feel good. What is wrong with me?" Closing her eyes so the room would stop spinning, she tried to focus on her breathing. As a singer, she had been very well trained on how to breathe correctly and she could tell that something was wrong. She shouldn't be taking this many breaths. "Breathe deeper. Slow down."
Her body relaxed with each inhale and slow release. She rolled onto her side, feeling like every part of her body weighed more than she could lift or move. Shaking with each movement, she managed to get herself onto her bed, and fell asleep.
* * * * * * * * *
The blond had planned to give herself a week to get things back to normal after the trip before beginning to look for a job. She spent that time working out for hours at a time, sleeping the rest of the day away, and living off of one cup of steamed broccoli a day, unseasoned and with absolutely no butter. She was increasingly more tired and began noticing pains throughout her body.
One day, after an hour and half at the gym, two times through her power ninety workout, and a much needed shower, she made her way back to her room. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and became lost. She stared blankly back at the reflection in front of her. The eyes blinked when she blinked, but the blond in the mirror was unrecognizable yet she knew who it was. Her bottom lip quivered as anger overtook her.
"I hate you!" through gritted teeth, she bitterly threw the words at the ugly young woman in the mirror. "Why do you have to look like that?! Nobody likes you and they are so disgusted by you! Nothing you ever do is going to be enough! I HATE YOU!"
A tear rolled down the pale cheek of the blond in the mirror.
The young woman leaned against her closet door, allowing her body to slowly slide to the floor. For the first time in a long time silence filled her mind. The voice had finally made it's way out into the world, and her mind was silent. She stared blankly, letting tears flow down her face as she sat motionless. For what felt like hours she remained there, hearing nothing but the sound of her infrequent breathing.
* * * * * * * * *
She had gotten out of bed with the intention of looking for a job. Her life had seemed to slow down since the semester ended. When she was in school she had distractions from what was going on, it was a fight to focus on those distractions, but at least she had them. Now, she was alone - a lot. Each day was getting worse and worse. Her days were measured by workouts, weighing herself, emotional outbursts, and sleeping.
The blond young woman sat on her bed with her keys in her hands. There had been a restlessness in the pit of her stomach for the last several weeks that she'd been unable to get rid of. She moved her body to the floor and commenced a round of crunches as her head became bombarded with discouragement from the voice that had become her constant companion.
Where are you supposed to get a job? No one is going to hire you. You can't even take care of yourself. Look at you. You're a mess. A fat, horrible, mess. You barely made it through the semester. You are a terrible student and you're never going to finish school. Your life is such a waste. You are never going to amount to anything. Everyone is tired of dealing with you. You can't get a job. No one will want to hire you. You are never going to be good enough. You are never going to be pretty enough. You are never going to be anything important. You are useless. Why do you keep pretending that you can fix everything? Just give up.
She stood up and ran out of her room. Moving into the modest kitchen, her breathing had quickened.
You aren't ever going to be anybody. No one wants to deal with you anymore. No one wants to look at you. You are so disgusting. You are awful. Why are you still alive? You have no purpose anyway. You should just give up. You can't do school. You'll never find a job. All you do is cry all the time. Your friends are sick of you. No one loves you. Just quit trying. You are so ugly. It doesn't matter how skinny you get, people are going to still think you are disgusting and ugly. You are an awful person. No one wants you around.
She grabbed the wall and stepped into the living room. Hardly able to catch a breath and fiercely looking for anything to help her out of this hell, the young woman let out an agonizing scream. She fumblingly found her way back to her room.
Just kill yourself. It will be easier for everyone once you're gone. You shouldn't be here anyway. You fail everything you try to do. You can't do school. You aren't smart enough. You aren't talented enough. Your voice is awful. No one wants to listen to it. You don't have anything to offer this world. No one loves you. No one wants you around. Just give up.
"I can't do this anymore!" she yelled into the empty apartment. She grabbed her phone, finding the only contact she knew could help her. She closed her eyes, focusing on taking deep breaths. She couldn't call her in hysterics, but was having a difficult time calming down. The young woman was too overwhelmed to calm down, she would have to force herself to not let the panic come through in her voice. She pushed the button with the small green phone on it, lifted the phone to her ear, and waited. Listening to the ringing on the phone, she thought through what she was going to say when the other person answered, and suddenly became terrified that she would answer.
"Hello?" Hearing the sound of her mothers voice brought her some comfort.
"Mom? I think I need to move home." She knew that even with the effort to sound less panicked her voice had betrayed her.
"ShaRee, what is going on?"
The young woman wanted to scream and cry out to her mother for help. She thought of what she yearned to tell her mother. "Mom, I need you. I am in so much pain and I don't know why. I hate myself and don't want to live anymore. I'm scared and I just feel like I'm constantly being tormented by my own mind. I need you." Instead she began telling her mother that she didn't think that school was for her and that she wanted to move home to figure out what to do.
The blond had never been very good at communicating what was really going on in her head, especially to those she loved most. She would lose her temper and yell, especially with her family, because she was too embarrassed or didn't know how to express what was really bothering her. They never knew how to help her because they never knew what was really wrong with her.
"ShaRee, I've been worried about your eating. Are you sure you're losing weight in a healthy way? I just keep thinking about what your roommates told me when they called."
She thought back to a few weeks before when the incident her mother spoke of had occurred. While the young woman was at the testing center for her history class, her roommates and Chris had called her mother and told her they were concerned that she wasn't eating enough. The young woman had lied to her mother later that night about all the things she had eaten, not knowing that her roommates had talked to her. When she found out, there was a lot of tension in the apartment.
"Mom, it's fine. My eating is fine. I just need to come home." She was becoming impatient with the constant badgering about what she was eating. This was not what she wanted to talk about, especially not right now, and her responses were becoming more agitated and defensive. However, when the conversation concluded, it had been agreed that she would move back to Fillmore for the summer.
After hanging up the phone, the young woman sat back down, letting out a sigh of relief. Her body slumped as she sat on the edge of her twin bed. She ran her fingers along the beautiful quilt her grandmother had made as a gift for her high school graduation. Allowing her body to relax, she lay her head at the foot of the bed, slowly moving her legs up to her chest.
A calmness swept over her as she whispered to herself, "I'm going home."
* * * * * * * * *
She carefully slid off the bed, being careful not to wake her sister. When her bare feet hit the carpet, she paused waiting for hands from whatever was waiting for her under the bed to grab her. Nothing happened. Finding the courage to move her legs, she walked out of the room, passing the bathroom on her right and turned out into the large family room. The little girl became frightened as she thought of what evil awaited her in the large empty room. She moved quickly up the stairs, forcing herself not to look behind her for fear of coming face to face with something that would surely kill her.
The little girl moved more quickly than she had before, knowing that if she could just make it through the kitchen and dining room, she would be safe. She passed the table, remembering to stay to the left so not to run into the chairs around the table. Taking the last few steps to the door, she let herself calm down. The first bedroom on the right was her key to safety. She silently pushed the door open. Looking to the bed on the left, she saw the outline of the large body sleeping heavily in his bed. She walked around the bed so she could see his face, but decided against waking him up. Just looking into the face of the sleeping man brought her so much comfort. Moving back around to the other side of the bed, she slowly pulled the covers back, revealing the empty space remaining in the bed. She climbed onto the mattress, pulled the sheets over her body, and snuggled as close to her grandfather as she could get.
All fear left her.
"I'm safe now," she thought. "Nothing will dare get me now. He'll protect me. I'm safe."
Several seconds passed.
"Grandpa sounds like a bear! He snores so loud!" The little girl giggled to herself as she listened to the roaring sound coming from her beloved Grandpa Staples, snuggled a little closer, and fell asleep.
